What makes a film for me…

The other day I got to thinking. I was wondering about what makes a film special for me. What are the different ingredients that make a movie resonate and ensure I will return for more. I should stress I’m going to jump around in genres here a bit. There is no one film that will contain all these things (at least I don’t think there is?) After some thought I came up with the following list.

a Futile Gesture

Nothing better than a character(s) in a movie laying down their lives for very little point. With a cry of either "You go on without me" or "I'll hold them off" the plucky sidekick is instantly doomed and royally screwed. Examples: Almost the entire cast of Aliens, Miles Dyson (Terminator 2), Spoon (Dog Soldiers) Ok I admit boxing a werewolf is cool but be honest he was fucked.

Breaking the 4th Wall

Wikipedia defines this as  “The presence of the fourth wall is an established convention of fiction and drama, which has led some artists to draw direct attention to it for dramatic or comedic effect. When this boundary is "broken", for example by an actor onstage speaking to the audience directly, or doing the same through the camera in a film or television program, it is called "breaking the fourth wall”

Mel Brooks is very good at this and he does it all the time, see the example below. Nothing funnier than a glimpse behind the curtain so to speak. Other good examples in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, National Lampoon’s Animal House and The Mask.

time travel / Time machines

Doesn’t matter if it’s Back to The Future, The Time Machine, Primer, Twelve Monkeys or The Time Traveller’s Wife. Messing about with the linear nature of the universe is just epic. I enjoy nothing better than the headfuck that is a good temporal paradox. I saw Hot Tub Time Machine the other day and it dealt with the macguffin that is time travel excellently. It was also great to see Chevy Chase on screen again as I love Fletch. I tried reading the article on Wikipedia about time travel but my head threatened to implode and then explode.

swords

Highlander alone should be reason enough to have this on the list but there are many other splendid films that feature the merry swash and buckle of swords. Kill Bill would not have been half as special if it had been all gun rather than sword play.  Other prime examples include Zatoichi, The Sword and the Sorcerer and The Princess Bride.

The Lower Lip wobble

Something that always amuses me, when it really shouldn’t, is when an actor attempts subtle emotion on screen. Some lovely lower lip acting going on in this scene from Jerry Maguire. Fucking hilarious!

an epic finale

I have much love for Who Dares Wins, I’ve discussed it before at some length. One of the reasons is this ten minute sequence toward the end of the film. If your not that interested in watching the whole clip cut to around 9.05 and enjoy the macho hall jogging.

So there you have it. All you Directors out there please take note. All you need do is create a film that has even one of these elements and I’m there. Two or more and I will be your willing slave for life.

Cheerio

A Cinematic Cheesecake

Centurion

Before I start I have to admit there may be certain amount of bias in this blog.I have much love for Neil Marshall’s films.

Dog Soldiers was a brilliant werewolf flick. Loads of lovely nice dark humour. My brother-in-law, who is in the army, confirmed that the banter and actions of the squaddies were very realistic and well observed. Obviously with the exception of the fighting werewolves bit.

The Descent managed to scare the crap out of me and pisses on The Cave (which came out around the same time). Never seen night vision used more effectively for a scare before or since.

Doomsday is like the bastard son of Mad Max and is a hell of a lot of fun. It was nice to see Glasgow and particularly George Square/Queen St Station get trashed.

Today I sat down and watched Centurion. The story of the legendary Ninth Roman legion and how they went to the north of Britain to take out the Picts. As far as historic records are concerned the Ninth just disappeared without a trace. No one knows what really happened to them. Marshall has used this gap in the history books as the basis for the film.

Lots of familiar faces here. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Liam Cunningham, Noel Clarke and David Morrisey. Lots of violence as well. Blood and guts all over the place. Picts vs Romans makes for multiple beheadings.

I loved it all. The action was first rate. The scenery was stunning and the pace was just right. One for the blu-ray collection when available I think.

I read the other day that Neil Marshall will be directing a new version of The Professionals. To wet your appetite here is my first foray into the world of You Tube. Enjoy!

Now that I have started fannying around with Windows Movie Maker fuck knows what will appear on Ya Toob next. Perhaps something special for the two year anniversary of the blog?

Valete

Pablus Cheesecakeius

Pablo Cheesecake vs The Third Dimension

Lets set some parameters for this blog. For starters  - I love film. All of it. Even the shit ones that no one else particularly appreciates. (I’m looking at you Rabid Grannies, Rollerblade Warriors, Blood Sucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh etc). I’ve always kinda been of the belief that every movie deserves to be loved. Why not. People invest a lot of their time, energy and creativity in an effort to entertain the masses. Good on them I say. Long may it continue.


Recently however I have noted a worrying trend.  I’m concerned that this will effect my enjoyment of something I love dearly. What, I here you cry, could illicit such a reaction from the normally docile Mr Cheesecake? I’ll tell you, just two alphanumerics in a movie title…..3D.

Now before I continue lets get one thing straight. I don’t hate all 3D films. Avatar blew my tiny little mind. I expect Tron Legacy to do exactly the same.  The key thing about the use of 3D in both these examples as that it’s used by the directors to enhance the visual style of each film. The extra depth enhances the experience. I get that and I consider it perfectly valid.

The sort of thing I have a problem with is things like. U2 in 3D, The Jonas Brothers in fecking 3D. Why do cinema goers have to be subjected to such shite. If your interested in seeing U2 or indeed The Jonas Brothers go to a fucking concert.

I’m also worried that films are getting made in 3D just for the hell of it. I heard that the last couple of Harry Potters are in going to be in 3D. For the love of great goggly moggly WHY! The previous films didn’t require an sort of enhancement like that to hold an audiences attention so why do it now?

3D has prompted great debate at Cheesecake Towers. I am my usual unsure and slightly sceptical self while Mrs Cheesecake has embraced this new technology wholeheartedly. She does agree however that 3D is not necessary for all genres but does consider it inevitable as it’s all about the dollar dollar.

Who knows where we’ll be in a couple of years? The Chinese have a curse. “May you live in interesting times” I guess currently for movies it is just that….Interesting.

A slightly unsure Cheesecake

Ninja Cheesecake – Another bloody movie review

I’m done with vampires. I’ve had it up to here with zombies. Werewolves are so last year.You can shove your pirates up your arse. 2010 should be the year of the ninja. Like every other movie fad in recent memory it would appear that the ninja is now due for a comeback.

Ninja Assassin is incredibly silly. There is no getting around that fact but good news it’s also incredibly gory. There are limbs, heads and various other body parts all over the feckin place. The story is pretty run of the mill but the action….oh the action is just great. To give you an example I don’t think I have ever seen characters fight in on coming traffic so realistically before.

Produced by the Wachoski Brothers the film does have hints of the Matrix about it . There is some nice slow-mo action going on and the way the throwing stars are visualized is very cool.

The end of the film kind of reminded me of Deadliest Warrior. Ninjas vs Government troops with machine guns. Who will win?

It was also great to see Shô Kosugi in the film. I still remember Nine Deaths of a Ninja and The Master from when I was just a nipper back in the 80s.

Stick to the Shadows

The Cheesecake Assassin

Avatar – A Cheesecake’s view

As a preface to this blog I would like to point out that this has taken me the best part of a month to write. I normally rattle of my thoughts about a movie I've seen within about a day or two of seeing the thing. This time things have been slightly different. I did say a couple of weeks ago I would get around to posting my thoughts so here goes. I had to think about this for quite a while before I put pen to paper, so to speak. 

Avatar

 
I liked Avatar. I liked it a lot. In fact after careful consideration I might even love it? Don't panic I'm not going to go all Twilight creepy on your ass. Allow me to try and clarify. Over the years I have seen a lot of films. Of those hundreds of films there are a select band that I will happily watch again. Within that group there are a lucky few that I love. Films that I have watched so many times they are like old friends.


Let me try and put my feelings into some sort of context. Do you remember the first time something really and truly blew your mind? Something that you knew was special. Something that was going to have an impact.

I still do. 

Using my time machine let me take you back to 1978.  Twice that year a mini-Cheesecake was taken to the cinema by his family. Each time the result was the same. The lights went out and after the obligatory ads and trailers the film began. In each case the heady mix of the rousing score and the mind bending visuals had an effect. Even now some 32 years later every time I hear both pieces of music the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I didn't realise it at the time but both movies in question were going to be a global phenomena. I believe the phrase du jour is 'game changer'. Of course I'm talking about Star Wars: A New Hope and Superman. I'm sure you had already guessed. Both are still as fresh and exciting today as they were then. They still evoke strong emotions from viewers. People still endlessly quote lines, recall their favourite scenes and debate plot points.

I believe, in the future, Avatar will fall into the same category. I've seen it twice and as I said before loved it from beginning to end both times. In my defence I should stress I am a ragging sentimentalist at heart. I also love nothing better than pure unadulterated escapism. The scope, the spectacle, the rush of sight and sound. It's all there.

'Fuck you Pablo'  the detractors will say. 'The story borrows liberally from Fern Gully and Pocahontas'. In fairness they are probably right, but who cares. James Cameron knows how to deliver what an audience wants. The other thing that needs to be highlighted is that the obvious quality and attention to detail of this film. It will force others to raise their game. People will want more of this I can guarantee it. Cameron has spent years developing new technology in order to film the thing. He's made the environment seem very real and all that hard work shines through.

*Spoiler Alert* 

The thought just popped in my head. Why does Michelle Rodriguez die in every film she's in? 

*End Spoiler*

Since I started writing this news stories have appeared stating that there will be another two films set in the same universe. I look on with interest. Can Cameron give use even more? Hopefully we wont have to wait 12 years for the next installment.

Live and direct from Pandora

Mr C

Modern Vampires: Is there any hope?

I’m not going to bash Twilight, honest I’m not. It would be far to easy to do. I’ve seen the first film I won’t be seeing anymore. It’s not my bag. If you enjoy it fair play to you. I’ll let you into secret though vampires don’t fucking sparkle.

Ignoring the Twilight phenomena is there any hope for the modern vampire movie? Today I have seen two examples of the genre. One good the other filled with good intentions.

Daybreakers

Written and directed by the Spierig Brothers this is an interesting take on vampire mythology. Vampirism is a virus and this film looks at the consequences of the vampire food supply running out. Starring Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe and Sam Neill I enjoyed this quite a bit. Lots of nice touches about how the world’s population have adapted to being creatures of the night.

Your purist vampire aficionado may not like the modernization of vampirism but personally I doesn’t bother me. I enjoy original ideas as long as they are done well.

Blood: The Last Vampire

This seemed on the face of it to promise so much. Based on the anime of the same name I expected a lot. Overall it’s not terrible. Swordfights are always good but then some arse somewhere decided that adding some truly fucking horrible CGI was a good idea. I mean come on CGI blood? That’s a big no-no in my book.

Daybreakers got it right, Blood: The Last Vampire got it wrong. In a vampire movie the first commandment - there will be blood. Second commandment characters have to get covered in the stuff.

So is there hope for the modern vampire movie? I guess the jury is still out. The good news as long as films like Let The Right One In and Daybreakers continue to get made at least there is chance.

Always from the Dark

Vampire Cheesecake

Pablo Cheesecake – 2009 - A Year in Review – Part 1

So 2009 is very nearly over. With that in mind I thought I would write a little (turns out its gonna large) blog detailing as many of my favourite things from this year. As usual, whenever I put together a list, they are in no discernable order. These are just a few things that found there way into my life in the last 12 months and how I feel about them.

Music

I make no secret about the fact  that my musical tastes are what some would call odd, I collect movie and TV soundtrack tunes for fuck sake. That aside I think this year I have found myself slightly more mainstream than normal. Lovely new web apps like Spotify and Blip FM have opened my ears to new music more than ever before. The two biggest discoveries for me this year have been Them Crooked Vultures and Alestorm.

Them Crooked Vultures self titled debut album is fan-fuckin-tastic. Take a little Foo Fighters, season liberally with some Queens of the Stone Age and add just a pinch of Led Zepplin and behold a super group is born. Every single track is a winner. There are a couple of truly exceptional tracks though. Caligulove, Gunman and Dead End Friends are all epic. This is a perfect example of musicians making music just for the hell of it. It is all fuckin great.
 
Alestorm are the kings of Scottish Pirate Metal. Now I know what your gonna say. “But Pablo that seems to be a rather niche genre isn’t it?”. Your not wrong but damn if they don’t totally own it. I should say at this point there is a good chance that I am a frustrated pirate at heart so I may be slightly biased…..Yar!!

Film

I’ve said before that I am a genre junkie and 2009 sure was a good year for genre films.  Watchmen was a garish big clusterfuck of a movie, personally I adored it. Pandorum was an unexpected gem. Star Trek was a fantastic update. District 9 was insightful, clever and thought provoking sci-fi. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans was fun and looks pretty great on blu-ray.  In fact its worth mentioning that all the blu-rays I have watched so far look brilliant. Another highlight of 2009 I guess was my first exposure to blu-ray.

Thank fuck for that. I got through my movie section roundup without mentioning Avatar…aww bugger it.
Calm down Cameron you’ll get your review when I’ve seen the film. I’ve heard good things so hopefully Avatar will deliver.

My this blog is nowhere near finished but I have lost the will to type. I still haven’t mentioned books and TV.  I think I may have to split this into two and come back to the second part later. 

Till I can be arsed to write the next part.

Laters

Cheesecake Out

Cirque Du Cheesecake: The Vampire’s Assistant

The second film this week was Cirque Du Freak. Now before I get started on the film I should be honest and admit I have read The Saga of Darren Shan. I liked it and read it all the way to the end. No small accomplishment when your talking 12 books.

I went into the film realising that there had to be changes made for a movie version to work. Some other reviews I have read have been very dismissive of the film due to these differences. What do I think? You know what fuck em. Books make for great source material for a movie but people have to expect changes. Reading is such a internal process. People envisage the story they read and everyone can have a different take. A film is always going to be another person’s vision of the material and I would guess likely to be different from your own.

I’m also not that bothered that the film is set in America. I thought I would be but I seem to recall the books were always pretty geographically indistinct anyway so no real issues there.

One thing I really enjoyed about the film was John C Reilly. He was great. I’ve seen him in other films but this is the first time I think I have seen him in anything as the main lead and I thought he was brilliant. Some of the other character seemed a bit two dimensional but Mr Reilly seemed to flesh out Larten Crepsley.

Also incredibly weird to see Salma Hayek with a beard (Talk about conflicting emotions!)

Will there be more Cirque? Probably. If it makes enough money. I would love to see to war between the Vampire and Vampaneze. Maybe one day?

Enough of this disjointed muttering.

I’m off

Pablo Cheesecake : Competition winner

I won a competition. Little old me. I’ve never won anything in my life ever. I have to admit to being a little taken aback by the while thing. Now at the end of the day it was only a t-shirt but I still won it.

The good people at Last Exit to Nowhere produce the best film related merchandise on the planet. All of their designs are inspired by all the fictional companies and businesses from the movies. I won a quiz they ran on Twitter (@lastexitshirts) and they have let me choose a free t-shirt of my choice. I went for Central Services (the faceless bureaucracy from Terry Gilliam’s epic Brazil). Anyone that knows me will no I am slightly obsessed by this film. I have the theme as the ringtone on my mobile phone.

This is just a little bloggerette as I have three reviews to write for my latest cinema visits. I just want to share my good fortune.

Till later

Smugger than normal

Mr C